Out of Control

Dear Makaia,

I am writing you this letter from our hotel room while I watch you nap next to me. This last month has turned your world upside down and I am praying that God will finally put us in our own home by this time next week (that would be 2 days before Christmas.) This is not the holiday season that I had envisioned and that makes me SO terribly sad! You are at an age (almost 3) that you really understand what is coming up, and I had so many amazing Christmas things planned for you that will now have to wait until next year. You, Daddy, and I are all having a tough time with this transition and, sweetheart, we have already made a promise that next year will be different! You will be waking up in your own room, in our own home on Christmas, with a beautiful tree, lots of decorations, and holiday traditions. We will not put you in your carseat as we bounce from one location to the next.


We moved out of our rental home the day before Thanksgiving (the only home you have ever known) and were supposed to be in to the new house. We have since found ourselves homeless, while we wait, and wait, and wait to have the deal close. Buying a house has been the most stressful thing we have ever done and the mortgage industry is so ridiculous right now. I'd like to say that you have been a gem through all of this, but then I would be lying. At first you were brilliant, while you watched us put all of the things you know in boxes and (literally) watched them being carted off on trucks to storage. I can't imagine how tough that was for you, especially since you were largely ignored for the better part of a week so Daddy and I could get it all done. We also left behind our neighbors that you love so much. Don and Susan even came to get you from next door to feed you while we packed. We will forever miss your walks around that street! You had your little routine and all the neighbors loved coming out to see you on our walks! Amy said she keeps thinking we will re-appear and is sad when she realizes we won't be living across the street anymore.

You will notice that there are no photos in this letter...Mommy left the camera connection cord in a box and it's deep into the storage container so we won't be seeing it again until we get our belongings back.

Let me recap for you where we have been:

November 24th: Finished moving out of the house. You and I drive to Orange County while Daddy spends the night on the wood floor so he can finish cleaning the place.

November 25th: Thanksgiving with the Roux family in OC

November 26th: make the long drive to Lemoore. Pull up to Aunt Heidi & Uncle Kyle's new house at the same time they drive up in the moving van. They ask us to help unload (you can imagine our excitement after spending several, tiring days moving ourselves...with a toddler at our ankles.) For a split second, we consider turning around, but think better of our actions.

November 27th: Put you in the carseat again for another trek to the middle of nowhere for my cousin's wedding. "Makaia, please be a good girl for this hour-long car ride." Followed by, "Makaia, please sit still for this ceremony" and "please sit still and eat your meal at the table." By the 3rd one, you were pretty much ready to say, "F&$% this! I want to dance, run, scream, play, and not listen to a single thing you are saying to me!" That ordeal was followed by another hour-long car ride back with only 1 ounce of scenery...the Corcoran State Prison outside our car window.

November 28th: We say our good-bye's to Daddy as he goes home to San Diego to work (while living in a hotel) and you and I settle in to Aunt Heidi's for the week with no internet or TV, and Freezing cold temperatures. Plus, it's Lemoore! One morning we went outside and you said, "phew, Mommy what that smell?" Me: "That's moo-moos sweetheart. That's what a bunch of moo-moos smell like. Welcome to the Central Valley, lovebug!" Grandma set up princess sheets at Heidi's to make you feel comfortable in your ever-changing surroundings. At one point, you take your crayons (don't worry, Mommy only buys the washable ones) and use them on Heidi's new walls, carpet, and TV. You're a little artist with a naughty streak! We go one town over just so we can step foot in a Target. On the way there I see a billboard that says "Homelessness is Real!" I am laughing. Darn right it is!

December 3rd: We bolt Lemoore in search of civilization and head to Grandma and Grandpa's in Fresno. You spend the next week terrorizing the dogs and wreaking havoc at every turn. You are missing Daddy and he is missing us. I am wondering when this nightmare is going to end. We find a great park there and go 3 days in a row. They even had ducks that we got to feed.

December 10th: pack up the car (that we are living out of...sooo not easy to do with you.) Drive to Orange County. By the way, the car is so full that I have to take things out to even get you in your seat! We FINALLY get to see Daddy again after 2 weeks. We stay at Papa Pat and Gamma Gayle's for the weekend.

December 12th: Head to San Diego, where the temps are nearing 90! in December. Ahhh, it's good to be home in the sun! We spend the night at the Sauls' house (Thanks again to Dan, Melinda, Olivia, and baby Lucas for taking in the stranded.) You have a blast playing with Olivia, and for the first time in weeks, I don't have to hover over you because their house is totally kid-proof.

December 13th: Check into the hotel so Daddy can work. We love being together and we get to have our own little space. I have taken you to all your favorite spots (SeaWorld, etc.) and you went back to your dance class that you love. Your behavior has gotten better just being at "home" in San Diego. This past week we also went to the new house, and you are already comfy there! Spent one more weekend in OC this past week and now we are back in the hotel for a few days before (fingers crossed) we can move in to the house. This is the last move we will make for a looong time!


You will be 3 in two months and we've heard it's a tough age. Now we believe it! You are fighting for COMPLETE control of yourself and all things pertaining to you. Your father and I stand back and can't believe that such a tiny person can be so smart and defiant! Also, from the moment we moved out of our house, your rare potty accidents have turned into into a much more frequent thing. As in several times a day. We know that things have been strange for you so we have dug deep to find some extra patience. We all have breaking points and there have been moments lately when I don't know if I can make it through one more tantrum! Then I lie in bed hours later thinking about how fast you are growing up and your sweet/great moments roll through my thoughts. Then I feel bad about losing my mind over your tantrum.

I hate to make a list of "negatives" but at this point, the list is too hard to ignore. The "positive" ship has sunk this month! Maybe Santa will bring it back to me :)

We love you sweetheart! Thanks for bearing with your folks during such chaos.
Mommy